Merry Deathmass from Palestine

Photo by Ismael Paramo on Unsplash

It is that time again - the biggest Palestinian holiday of the year. Merry Christmas!

It's a bit of a downer there is an active genocide taking place quite close to Bethlehem but hey-ho, those pesky Arab terrorists will never leave Christendom and all of us in the free world alone.  It's one of the affronts to life in the West we must bear with fortitude.

I mean the land does belong to the Jews, the Bible says so and we all have to believe the Bible because the founding fathers told us we must. And Jesus is made in the image of god so he is blonde and has blue eyes. Why Israel is not in the hands of the Jews but taken hostage by a deeply batshit ideology invented in the lands of those who persecuted the Jews in Europe relentlessly, hasn't yet been answered or indeed even asked. It is the same old trick the bastards keep playing. Zionism isn't Judaism, it's just another Western Empire mind-trick to get them to genocide their own Semite brothers while shitting on the Old Testament - you know, the bit of the Bible that they don't like.

The year 2023 is the gift that keeps on giving. No more do we have to argue about these theological differences. The Passion of the Christ is in real time.

I mean the feats of Jesus then were amazing, but today they would be considered miraculous. We seriously do not give them enough credit. The dude literally came back to life after being brutally murdered by the occupation forces of the day and all we can muster in awe is an Easter Egg hunt.

These days however, not only would he come back to life, but he'd have to find all of his limbs under mountains of rubble and hope that he gets to them before the animals do. Then he'd have to re-attach his skin after it was burnt off with white phosphorous. I mean, he was only nailed to the cross with a thorny headband the first time and that took 3 days to mend, so we're looking at maybe 2043? The good news though is that Mary would have written his name on his body before he was bombed to death and so that would take a good few days off the search.

I need to pause, I'm sorry, I just can't...

Is it not insane that the Passion of Jesus is less f*cking horrific than what the children of Gaza are going through every f*cking day?

The people supporting that enlightened Prophet, Donald Trump, believe for sure its time for the Messiah to return but after being nailed-down on a cross by the occupation army the first time round, should the Messiah return, he'll probably not want to touch down only to be instantly skinned by chemical gases. They may seek the wisdom of his words and await his instructions, but he can't preach if he's dead so they won't be getting the Google Maps location for the Ascension. It's a real bummer.

Let's be honest, the only option for Jesus is to run from Bethlehem and head on a migrant boat to Europe.

And let's not forget Fortress Europe and their love towards brown people. I want to take a pause here and reflect upon the great hardship the Western Empire is in. The sheer weight of their hypocrisy is really a 24/7 job and it does take its toll. When you have a whole load of treaties you've written and laws you've made and resolutions you need to vote on, the whole pretence of being the bastion of Global Human Rights requires a whole regime of mental acrobatics in itself.

This year they came up with a very clever of idea of stopping sea patrols near where refugees may be seen, thus reducing the chance of having to save them. "If a brown person drowns in the sea and no one is around to hear it, can we be sure they’re dead and won't try their luck again?”

Next year, they will make it mandatory for every captain of every vessel to look towards Europe when out on patrol. That way, they will not see the refugee boats coming from the other direction and so cannot be held accountable for not saving them and letting them drown. Hear those screams? No, it was just the waves upon the rocks. You know how it goes, "Speak no evil, hear no evil, see no coloureds."

I hear in 2025 that the new EU Maritime directives will enforce regulated speeds of EU-flagged vessels off European coasts to under 1mph to ensure that they save as many of the boat refugees as possible. Obvs.

Another of their double-speak is to claim that by virtue of putting Palestinians in UNRWA refugee camps they are automatically safe and cannot thus leave said camp and come to Europe unless they can prove that something very, very bad will befall them. The constant threat of ethnic cleansing is apparently not enough and even when the ethnic cleansing happens there are still no safe routes made for them. Stick the word UN in front of anything and it hides a multitude of sins. "The Palestinians in the bombed camps are SAFE because they are in UNRWA camps!!! War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength!"

The great thing about Western hypocrisy and their non-stop lies is that they still keeping parroting them on repeat even when they have been thoroughly debunked and they themselves don't even believe them anymore. I used to think it was cognitive dissonance, but as a brown person born and bred in the West, believe me it's unique to the Western Empire and there is no single word in any of the Germanic or Romance languages to describe it. The closest would be, "evil". I'm sure the Slavic languages will have a word for it, but I do digress.

The official US Department of "Mind-Fuckery of the Public" is particularly in overdrive this Xmas and the staff may have to have a Turkey and cranberry sandwich in the office. Sob. This is because their pants are so far down that people are realising that the US don't give a f*ck about Human Rights and are so utterly appalled by having to follow them that if they are ever called out on violating them, they have an actual law which them allows them to storm the Hague and get their war criminals out. Vetoing every UN vote calling for a ceasefire in Palestine and then pretending to agree to one when you've changed the words to mean there is none, is not really fooling the masses as before either. Josef Biden simply isn't as slick as the Obama-rama, who was such a jammy little git, that he got a Nobel Peace Prize simply for managing to make it into the White House instead of being the victim of the US's mass incarceration program for coloureds.

Particularly embarrassing is that after launching a War on Terror - to terrorise all brown Muslims the world over - the youth of America today are reciting Osama Bin Laden's letter to America as the most apt analysis of US foreign policy to date and are silently thinking he was some kind of tortured genius whose plight they secretly support. So much so in fact, that it's been removed from the internet, including from the Guardian, because the West is very pro-free speech unless it undermines their narrative of, "brown guys are all baddies". These people literally marched for Charlie Hebdo whilst today actively trampling over press freedom. "We were just following orders," will be the mantra of the 21st century.

During Vietnam the US banned LSD when they realised it was the magic drug stopping American kids going to war and murdering the Vietnamese who had done them no harm, ever. Now they want to ban Tik Tok, partly because the youth are not pro-genocide of the Palestinians and that's a "no-no" for the psychopathic Western Empire's global neoliberal agenda.

So, let's take some time at the end of this year to rest and reflect. Christmas may be cancelled in Bethlehem because those brown people refuse to be oppressed under occupation - which is very un-Jesus like of them -but we will keep it's spirit alive and well and carry the burden of rampant consumerism for the Lord.

In this year of our Lord, let us remember that should he have not risen after being tortured by the occupying army of the day, that he would have been bombed to death instead.

Merry Deathmass.